There has been so many beautiful and busy things happening in our lives lately. All the while there is Bede. Steady, unwavering. Our touchstone of love and hope and light that keeps us all grounded.
That slows us all down. That makes sure we never get caught up in the business in life. Cress has just turned 1 and it feels like she was only born yesterday. He has accomplished much but he has also endured much. So there I sit. In that same room. With that same doctor. I am in the same clothes. Roy wears that same weathered look. But getting your heart broken is never the same.
The doctor asks if we need a support person. We laugh. We have made our home here in this moment. He laughs. I know what that question means though. Not even in the beginning. Cut to the chase doc.
Unless the cancer spontaneously stops In My Heart (Art Ghetto Mix 12) - Raw Unltd. - In My Heart I think you have around another 6 months with Bede. This time the aftermath is brutal. My heart is raw. Because the truth is I want my son to die. He is tired. I want peace for him, rest. But I instantly hate myself because I know then that is all there will be.
He will have no more growth, no more moments tenderly reaching out to his brother, laying next to his sister. He will just be gone. That is not enough for my special light filled boy. Life is hard but death seems worse.
Knowing you need to let it go. All I want for Bede is happiness. I am angry that we feel so alone. Roy is confident about life after Bede, that he will be able to go forward living a life in testament to him. That his legacy will be brilliance. But I am scared. Scared that without my steady ship, my touchstone, my beautiful gentle soulful boy I will crumble because my world will never be the same. I am scared that the woman that Avangard Europi - Сакральные мальчишки из Гитлерюгенд, души которых отравлены скорбью о павшем велич mother cress will be a stranger to who I am now.
So I try to smile as much as I can and love as hard as I can in the hope that I can build her up enough that she will weather having me as her mum. We go on trying to be present, trying to soak in every single moment, utterly mindful of how precious each one is while we spend sunny staurday afternoons choosing toddler sized coffins that would never, could never hold all that our son is. My heart bleeds and I grieve. I am tired. My bones and muscles and every tendon and ligament ache.
But as the bitterness of life rages the storms are rolling in across that familiar ocean. I know this too shall pass. Because of course amongst all this grief there is light. Bede has grown more in the last few months than he has in the past few years and I am reminded that often despite the agitation, Bede is the fullest version of himself when his tumour is growing. Gus says now there is just more of Bede to love.
He is immersed in his therapy at least three days week. He is building his Silver Walks - Ed Davenport - Silver Walks body strength and undeterred by previous failings he is attempting to crawl. This kid is the personification of determination He is relishing laying on the grass in the sunshine with his brother and sister.
He is laughing fuller and deeper than ever before unable to catch his breath as In My Heart (Art Ghetto Mix 12) - Raw Unltd. - In My Heart giggles pour out of him. Through all this sadness and fear and joy and light and grief and hope and uncertainty and love we have found so much comfort in our friends and community.
A fundraiser is being held for Bede on June 17 in North Beach. With an aim to making his life as meaningful and as happy as possible and his death as easy and as comfortable as possible. Our dear friends have also been kind enough to set up a gofundme to help us support Bede during In My Heart (Art Ghetto Mix 12) - Raw Unltd.
- In My Heart time and said some beautiful things about us: www. I feel like we are in a fog and its confusing but one unmovable truth remains… He is small but he is mighty. Bede shines. I fell in love with him and your whole family immediately. My heart is just breaking for you all. I wish I lived closer. I would happily donate my time, I do not make this statement lightly.
I have helped other families before. We are on pensions and dont have money. All I can do is pray. I feel so very helpless. I so enjoyed meeting you all in Monkey Mia, especially Bede. I was honoured to have you feel comfortable to share your story. Witnessing your love as parents and joyful people was infectious. I hope you were as entertained by us as we were by your lovely family. Wishing you all the best for your continuing journey ahead. With love Karen. God bless you….
I am not sure if our last comment made it to you but there is never too many time to send kisses and hugs to Bede and all of you. You are one amasing family and role models for everyone one of us in the community. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email.
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